Cats Do Not Understand English. And showers cannot heal.

I had a big night last night. I had a gig at this cool bar called Deville's Pad, a joint kitted out like a demon's lair, all dark and red-lit and full of devil imagery. They haven't tried comedy there before and generally the place is trying to work out what they want to do with their dinner-time entertainment. Anyway, it was fun and they shouted me dinner and drinks and I didn't leave til closing. Then I didn't sleep much and when I got home today I went straight to bed at about 3. I was woken up by interesting things.

The neglected cat and even more neglected dog get fed every day at around 7.30. I'm not here during the day most of the time but I am pretty sure that this is the only time the dog gets any attention at all. So it gets pretty excited and runs around and jumps up and all the usual things. She immediately scolds it for behaving like an energetic 2 year old dog that hasn't seen anyone all day. She shouts its name and says something like "Don't jump up on me please, its very annoying" Obviously the dog continues to jump up and she will then say "What did I just say?"
The cat then gets fed and when it does it has a habit of giving out a couple of small meows, maybe in appreciation, who knows. It meows once. "Oh shut up"
It meows again "Look, if youre going to complain, you can get a smack on the arse". How did she know it was complaining? Maybe it was saying "You should pay more attention to that poor dog, you gigantic fucking idiot"
Or maybe it was saying thanks for dinner? It's a very cute cat and the only times I have heard it meow, it seems like it is actually trying to communicate something to you. Cats think they're people, which I like,

ALSO apparently the shower is still leaking. My bedroom is right opposite the bathroom and I cant hear it. But she can hear it from down the hall where the two open doors oddly still dont seem to block any noise. She was talking at it loud enough to wake me up.
I heard "Ugh this fucking thing is STILL leaking!"
Because most showers can fix themselves automatically.
"That's IT. EVERYONE is banned from showering until its fixed"