Special K set a new record for indoor clomping today and clomped the house muttering about having to do everything herself. When she was in the bathroom I heard her saying "How many fucken signs do I have to put up around this place? Not many let me tell you because pretty soon I'm going to be living on my own again" CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP. I snorted. "Let me tell you" is a great thing to say when you are talking to yourself. Then I heard Not Gary come out of his room and ask if she was ok and said if she needed a hand with anything, just to ask. So I quite like him now.
Unlike a lot of share houses, the kitchen here is very clean. I've only cooked a couple of times since moving in but on my personal scale of Share House cleanliness, I give it "0" Cockroaches. In the last place I lived the kitchen was probably a 4 on the Cockroach Scale, even if I actually only ever saw one cockroach in it. The Cockroach scale only goes up to 5. Giving it a "4" means it was so crummy that even when it was clean it still looked like somewhere only the dirtiest cockroaches went to take a shit. The lack of kitchen cleanliness there was often my fault but in my defence I just couldn't be bothered.
ANYWAY Later, I actually went into the kitchen to cook a delicious creamy seafood linguine which I forgot to take a photo of because I was too busy loving eating it. 101 Dalmations obviously wasn't too exciting because Special came into the kitchen and said "You probably like The Stand Up comedies, right?"
"Yeah, depen" CUT OFF
"Because I taped the Montreal Comedy Festival, if you wanted to watch that before I delete it"
Which is thoughtful, isn't it?
"Oh nice one, who" CUT OFF
"Wil Anderson, Dave Hughes, Adam Hills. They're all pretty good. Wil Anderson is hosting it. You know Dave Hughes, Adam Hills, they're both married and have kids. At least Wil Anderson is single, so there's still hope for me".
YOU ARE MARRIED. Did you forget about the marriage counselling that you came home from YESTERDAY? OK, so you'll probably get divorced but whatevs.
She continued "Although good luck having a marriage with someone who isn't in Australia most of the time"
"Yes", I said, thinking about how well her marriage to someone who is in Australia all of the time is going.
"Wil Anderson is in America most of the time now, so it baffles me how he makes any money because they just don't get our humour."
"Yeaah, I'm not sure that's accurate" I said, in what was probably my first full sentence of the "conversation". I was about to mention Jim Jefferies and some other Aussies who do well there but she cut me off.
"Well, they definitely don't get the British. You know that movie Death At A Funeral? That's an English movie, right and when they made that, they did an English and a US version, because they knew that the Americans wouldn't get the jokes."
"Right" I said. I had to hold my tongue because Im pretty sure those movies were made a few years apart. So I went back to stirring my linguine and wishing I was doing The Stand Up Comedy in America. I mean, that is my dream in life but right then I wanted it because I just wanted be as far away from this conversation as possible.
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