Sharehousing is carehousing. No, that's not true.

Sharehousing with randoms is a negative, in general. Unless you need a new stock of comedy material. This time, the people in this house are both positive and negative. They're positive ironically. Living in a place like this is CHEAP. The rent I pay is less than Melbourne (as it should be) but it also includes a furnished room and all bills. ALL of the BILLS. ALL OF THEM. Unheard of! This is only the second share house I've ever lived in with people I didn't previously know and so far I have worked out these apparent rules of sharehousing.
1. What's mine is mine, what's yours is mine. This may include your teethbrush*
2. Except my dirty dishes, they're not mine.
3. I might be the only one here with a vagina, but that used tampon on the floor of the bathroom is not mine. (Yes, this is based on an actual incident, not in this house though)

I don't know where Leith/Keith (wait, maybe it's Kieran?) works but he gets up very early and gets his early morning noise-making done quite thoroughly. He is very proficient in "clomping". Also, he has definitely reached his targets in "Hacking Cough In The Shower".  I'm pretty sure he has Cert IV in "loud door closing and then forgetting something and opening the door again, clomping in to grab it and then closing the door loudly again" because you don't get skills like that without going to TAFE. He wears a lot of singlets, has one of those moustaches made up of eight or nine sweaty lip hairs and a DELIBERATE MULLET that looks at least 4 years in. What possible reason could there be for this hairstyle except that he wants to make himself as unattractive as possible to the rest of the human race? I doubt anyone with a mullet has ever been raped, so maybe he thinks he is too pretty without it. Yeah, that's definitely it.

The woman who owns the house, well, she doesn't own the house, her parents own the house for REASONS that are so interesting I was forced to stop listening, is 36 years old. She has a dead tooth in the front and has been separated from her husband for eight months but still hopes to work it out with him, even though they haven't spoken for seven months. She tells me about people I will never meet and whom I have no background knowledge about using their first names. 
"So it ended up just being me, Troy and Karla waking up in the ute. And none of us have any idea how we even got into that deer farm in the first place". That is an actual quote. 
She watches shit TV like repeats of Charmed, The Big Bang Theory and The Bachelor, hasn't heard of Q&A and believes all kinds of dumb stuff that people stopped believing when the internet was invented. We had a brief one-sided conversation about horror movies before she said "that little girl from the Exorcist went crazy, you know". Which, of course, Linda Blair didn't, but it doesn't matter. She seems to suffer from "No-one is listening to me" syndrome, which is actually very accurate because you learn to stop listening very quickly, and she compensates by saying a constant stream of words that people have no choice but to hear her saying. I mean, I know she was saying THINGS but I had tuned out so I have no idea what those things were. She constantly talks at the television and to the room in general. An ad for the the Robert Downey Jnr Sherlock Holmes movie came on and she said this "Did you hear they worked out who Jack The Ripper is?
I said "Yeah , I read someth" but she continued.
"I heard a theory that the real Jack the Ripper ended up in Australia, After all the murders he got transported here for some minor crime. But its hard to believe that when there were no further murders here, you know, like the ones over there."

Last night we watched Bee Movie, that animated movie about Bees. That's next on Welcome To Not Melbourne

*Yes, TEETHbrush. Unless you use it to only brush one tooth, it's a teethbrush.